"Big Brother 6" is back with yet another scintillating episode. With no one reeling from the inevitable ousting of resident Euro-masher Michael, his secret partner Kaysar took center stage by winning the coveted Head of Household spot. Will Kaysar avenge his fallen brother? Who will VIP cocktail waitress Janelle make out with this week? Will Jennifer finally reveal a personality under that bland, puppy dog exterior? Batten down the hatches, we're about to find out.

Out of the original 14 houseguests, a dozen are left in the hideous abode, and with the departure of her secret lover Michael, Janelle moans, "I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now." Insert your own sex joke here.

HOH Kaysar, Janelle and Howie strategize in the Goldmember room. Kaysar feels that, aside from them, "everyone else in the house is fair game." He and Janelle decide to team up to fight crime together, since they're both sans partners. Then it's time for the whole gang to head up to the HOH lair to squeal over the hookah pipe and "Kosher meats" that have arrived to make Kaysar feel more at home.

Can we take a moment to comment on the grooming habits of the "BB6" houseguests? Kaysar has been steadily becoming more hirsute, but his eyebrows remain eerily well-manicured. Eric, we're horrified to see, lacks armpit hair. And someone must be applying lipgloss to Janelle on a 'round the clock basis. CBS must have a full-time staffer dedicated to pruning and primping the cast.

James is summoned to the HOH penthouse and Kaysar grills him on who his secret partner is. James may be the world's worst liar (after all, he told all the house mates that he's a 9th grade philosophy teacher), coming up with some cockamamie story about how his partner got sick and was axed from the show, but Kaysar seems to buy it. What's he been smoking out of that hookah?

It's Secret Lesbian Confession Time. Ivette, for some reason, has felt obligated to keep the fact that she's gay under wraps. Unable to contain it any longer, she blubbers a confession to April, sharing such tidbits about her relationship with her girlfriend as, "We call each other tushie-pie." Uh, Ivette? TMI: Too Much Information. April swears herself to secrecy.

Second-in-command Janelle wants to bust up coteries in the house by testing the allegiance of "the sheeps" (i.e. not her, Howie or Kaysar) and having Kaysar elect James and Maggie for eviction. Ivette feels that Janelle would sell anyone in the house both up and down the river, and encourages Kaysar to consider nominating both herself and Janelle to get the boot. Kaysar appears to be mulling it over, but it must be hard to think, since Ivette keeps yammering on. Shut up, already.

Ewwwww. It's Horny Howie time, and for this installment, we're treated to a series of clips highlighting his attempts to mack on his secret partner, Rachel. When he's not encouraging Beau to check out Rachel's "over-the-hill boobies" (she's a decrepit 33) he's making deep and philosophical declarations such as, "I love panties." We already knew that, Howie, when you paraded around the house in a pair a couple of weeks ago.

Noting rapper Eazy-E's failure to drum up any success with his "Will Rap 4 Food" offer of years gone by, "BB6" has rigged up a "Will Spell 4 Food" challenge to offer the houseguests a chance at real meals, rather than PB&J for the coming week. Of course, this would require that the houseguests be able to spell words like "spaghetti," "rhubarb" and "cauliflower," which, of course, they can't. A frustrated Ivette says, "I live in a house of idiots" and for once, we agree with her. In the end, their efforts aren't enough and it's nothing but peanut butter and jelly for the next seven days.

It must have been a slow couple of days in the "BB6" house, because Howie gets more airtime. Seems that Howie's religion is a hot topic of conversation. He settles the matter by letting us know that he is, in fact, a Jedi in training. That is, until someone clues him in that Jedis can't have sex. He quickly converts.

In an effort to "shake things up," Kaysar uses Sarah to leak some information to the rest of the group, trying to make her and her secret partner James paranoid that the other members of the house are conspiring against them. Sarah freaks, but James sees through the ruse and encourages Kaysar to nominate Janelle, claiming that in doing so Kaysar will "save himself for several weeks."

It's nomination time and Kaysar has made his picks, telling the houseguests that he chose to use strategy over emotion to select the nominees, and the key ceremony begins. By the end, it's James and Maggie facing eviction.

Next time: James ups his game to "a more evil level," the Golden Power of Veto is up for grabs and chaos breaks loose ... uh, yeah, again.

-- Liz Scott lives in Philadelphia. Her hobbies include listening to Prince, watching "Cops" and reading about celebrities.